| (no subject) |
[Sep. 27th, 2006|10:26 am] |
school f'ing sucks right now.....i am so ready to get it over with. blah...i have so much on my mind rigth now that its just really stressin me out. then theres homecoming...no date, so i dont think im gonna go in a group, cause megs group has two couples already and i wouldnt want to be the 5th wheel......but oh well all is good i guess :)
p.s. i fucking hate running distance! grrrrrrrrrr |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 4th, 2006|06:56 am] |
|
got up at 6 30 this morning, went to the track and did a workout and then i was back here by 7:45-7:50. working out is a great way to start the day, especially when youre up before most and traffic isnt bad at all. it was kinda cool to be at the track that early, working out. im about to walk to work, i work 11-3 today, then ill wlak back here to megs and do some homeowork. i did do some homework this morning, i revised and finished this poem that's due for creative writing. ill do math this afternoon w/ meg then ill probably work on that 2 page memory thing. its kinda chilly out, o-well. stop by DQ, ill be happy that you did! |
|
|
| wow..sorry this is a little long....didnt mean to |
[Sep. 3rd, 2006|10:31 pm] |
blah...
worked today, work tomorrow...its all good, making money.
i really like that song by hinder "lips of an angel" wish i had somone i really cared about...of the opposite sex that is.
tomorrow=run my ass off at the track at like 6 45 am then get my butt back here in time to take a shower then walk to work. after work i walk back to megs, do homework, then prolly walk home.
its kinda wierd, im a pretty independent person...actually im very independent. i pretty much take care of myself, pay my dad 20 bucks a month, buy my own clothes, work, going to get my ass into college, pretty much pay for it by myself (1st to go in family) ect......but for some reason i feel as though i need someone. i hate it too, the feeling that i NEED somone. it really bothers me. i dont want to be clingy, but i know i am, and i know i need to back off from people, for the sake of the relationship. i think that i need to really focus on myself right now, and try to continue to fix me, which ive definately done this summer, but i guess i still have a lot of work to do.
i need to get more focused. i need to get in better shape. god im so frustrated/ confused...i have no clue what i need to do. well, i guess thats not entirely true, becasue i kinda do know what i need to do, but i dont know if im up for doing it. i know that i need to get my ass in gear and get as ready as i possibly can for track, or else im going to regret it for a number of reasons. i need to get more focused on shool too. i just guess that i need to get my head together. blah...lol
for my creative writing class part of our homeowork was to write a 2 page story about a memory from our childhood. i have chosen to write about this time, i have no clue how old i was but i was really little, and i woke up and my mom was the only one awake. instead of getting too mad at me for being out of bed like she usually did, we sat in the kitchen, just the two of us and drank milk with chocolate pop-tarts. then she put me to bed. it was just the two of us......
man i am way too emotional of a person, always have been too. im tyring to work on that :) for example: i cant remember how many times this happened. our living room and mine and my sisters bedroom were right next to eachother. and my mom use to fall asleep on the couch a lot. i could see her from my bed if i sat up. and i remember thinking that we didnt say goodnight or something and i wanted to say goodnight and i love you to her, but most of the time i wouldnt say anything becasue i knew she would yell. so id sit there, and cry a little, trying to say goodnight. so eventually i would muster up enough balls to very quitely say "mom..." then she would in an angry voice say something like "AMANDA, what do you need?" and i would be like, "just wanted to say goodnight, love you" her response: "good night amanda"-annoyed voice.....my bad...and this other time when we were at one of her friend's house and we were staying the night, and the kids had been sent down stairs aka my sister and me and some other kids. mom said shed be down in a a little while. since i wasnt allowed back upstairs i sat at the bottom of the stairway, waiting on the last step. i woke up in a bed the next morning to find out that she had gone out to a bar or something and didnt tell us. she said that it was really cute, and kinda silly, that i fell asleep on the steps though.......i think i miss her. i really dont want to though.
well,
tomorrow is a new day..well since its like 1 30 AM i guess that today is the new day...time to shapen up :) |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 31st, 2006|02:09 pm] |
first day of school was today.... wow...i really like my purple days well i dont like the two classes but i have first block off and then i have 4th block off. i used my fourth block to workout. im gonna be an 800 runner this winter and spring. yeah....
jL told me that shes moving to Old Orchard...i miss the old days when we used to hang out....:( o well i did get to hang out with her a couple times this summer..brief hang outs but it was still nice to see her.
today after school mr briggs was like "so youre taking care of yourself, being healthy?" and i told him yeah.. he said "you look good" i said thanks and then i was thinking about it like 5 min after that, that i really needed to hear something like that, casue i dont feel like i look good. last fall i was like 25 lbs lighter.......and then i see someone who is obviously
engaging on some of my past habbits, and its kind of messed up to say but im kinda jealous in a sick and twisted way. i know that im better off being the way i am now as far as athletics go, but....i dunno, its frustrating. i see this individual and i want to cry, like seriously just cry. if i did break down and cry in front of her i wouldnt know if i would ask her why and tell her to stop, or be like i envy you...
i know, its fucked up, im fucked up....everythings fucked...lol
what a first day. :) |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 26th, 2006|02:36 am] |
picked up sher dog yesterday at the portland ariport-yay! then i went to the Laliberty Invitational and watcehd the waterville xc team win by a lot and Jami lin win the whole fricken thing (girls side). everyone did awesome. i was so proud of them! wow, it was wierd not running with them. had an interesting talk with momma bard on the ride down to the meet....wow...
well i got to go find the ding ding man with sher.......update more later |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 23rd, 2006|09:23 pm] |
im kinda liking working at DQ..its pretty sweet. i get to learn how to make different things tomorrow. i made 10 cakes today: 4 choc. extreme 8 in.+ 2 choc. extreme 10 in. + 2 oreo 10 inc + 2 reeses 10 in.
thats a lot of friggin blizzard cake lol....the managers are cool though. i get to work with megan on sunday, thats a whole lot of YAY!!!:)
so yeah, basicly i want to kick my sisters ass a knock some sense into my dad...........or i could just leave???? huhmmm, what a thought. so i go into my house tonight and my dad is flipping out on my sister, and then he flips out on me. it ended with him saying "fine get out, both of you! ive had it, im leaving" and such and such...oh god what would i do without megan :) what ev.
todays been interesting. besides the arguement with the father i quite xc, as ive already written, and mr frame tried to talk me out of it. i dunno if i made the right choice, hopefully i did. i may be a complete idiot or a moron, but o well. so now ill train for track..ive got to get my ass in gear. should be interesting...i woner if wilson will say anything???
i dont want to turn into a fuck up. i hope i didnt just take a step in that direction.........
well i guess thats all..... |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 23rd, 2006|03:25 pm] |
|
im not running XC anymore............. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 16th, 2006|03:34 pm] |
i got a job!!!!!!!!
boo ya
DQ hired me!!
now i get to work with my bestest! |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 14th, 2006|07:22 pm] |
heres a random thing that i wrote last night.....doesnt mean anything....critique if you'd like........
i wish i could slit my wrist
and let the emptiness flow.
chisel away the lard
and let emotions go.
time to take a hit
breathe in hold release.
my inner war
my road to peace.
thats about it...kinda a downer...but yeah its just writing.....:) |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 10th, 2006|02:06 pm] |
my new address is "megs place" :)
cher dog.....sher dog...is coming home in two weeks!!! aka the 25th
tay is taking my sr pics
and its time for a challenge....
now thats a quick update |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=91.6){kind=small}
what_a_pill's journal